दोन प्रकारची माणसं शांत झोपतात. एक ज्यांना स्वप्नच पडत नाहीत अन एक ज्यांची स्वप्नं पूर्ण होतात. माझ्यासारखे काही अर्धवट झोपेत, उठ्ल्या क्षणाला रागात जागे होत, स्वप्नांची भुतं मानगुटीवर नेतात. कधी वाटतं स्वप्नांना आयुष्य आहे. कधी वाटतं आयुष्य हेच स्वप्न आहे! जाग यावी,निसटून जावं.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Zing!

Wow.. Vishal sir got PGI, that’s amazing with a ‘zing that only Hireites will understand….yeah..ok… back to where I was…trying to have a sensational beginning …hmm…how about….”I died a day back…

How many times did you close your eyes, thinking you won’t see the light ever again?
How many times, along the river, set in crystals, vibrant, your reflection smiled at you?
How many times, you stood alone, looking at the cityscape, invincible, the dark knight?
How many times have you found yourself missing in the mirror, amongst familiar flesh?
Clinched all those razor sharp moments? Raced alone? Been on edge?

Life is futile……….
We kill time to let time kill us..

My last words were ..i wannna live..save me…no “good enough” doc around?..okay then…bye life…and puff…gosh!! it was sooo lengthy …I was almost bored to death…literally :) ..on retake (do actors ever settle for one !) ...i don’t wanna have time to think or say anyhting…wish it will be ..puff… straight away….

All along the last few moments of frantic revival attempt..i was thinking only one thing.. ”Its not gonna change the world one bit”…say ..JJ crows wont change their crow time from sharp 12.30 night…I asked a GMcite and she said hospital ke kauwwe hain ..bimaar wimar honge( kya yaar ye externs ko kuch nahi pata hota !!)…ok…but 12.30?
Anyways ( if actors could stick to original dialogues!) ..yeah…so…

“its not gonna change the world one bit” .. and even if it did…it wont matter..i wont even probably know that I died…
And I closed my eyes and waited for an eternity or so.. and woke up to the same boring life..
Death has lost its charm since then…
The night that followed..I decided to bid farewell to life and mean it really..so it might just come true this time…be ready to die and never realize that I did..but I couldn’t say it..i wished to wake up and woke up this morning…

I listen to Psaaydan, when I go to sleep..the Guy who wrote it, retired at 21…I am 22 and so reluctant to let go life…
So I have to wait…for someone else to do this mercy killing…slow n steady..
While I act and try n fool around…find a purpose in life etc etc…try to write, read, be a “good enough” doc ( I wish), before its time to board..
Manage to roam around like some one act play going on…exhibiting this game…
Its only when I see in the mirror…trouble…I see through all the layers…make up, foundation, all the decorative time killing layers…I have piled up on that I…may be that’s why I feels so strange….I….I try not to smile…coz I feel like a hebephrenic schizophrenic every time I do this mirror gazing… even for milliseconds…
I cant lie to I …

Life is futile…………
Like some kind of lucid interval..
People talk about no escape from death…Well thank god for that !
Coz after dying and from that other side of sea, right at the moment when I woke up…the only thing which seemed pretty inevitable and boring was Life…
Hmm…sometimes I feel my writing tastes like black coffee( #$%^?)…but then some weirdos love such things…don’t they..then..
Cheers to life…actually…yawwwwn…..!!!

I have this fantasy about ‘how I wanna die…I wanna read a poem…loud on CST station..amongst the Chaos..and bore people to death…to the point of desperation…that they throw aanda, bhajiya or tomato as per the availability or choice at me..life threatening excitement naa…come on…do you read headlines atleast? ..lot more bullshit nonsense is happening around...and we sit idle…do nothing..

I think its gonna take my poetry recital for ppl to realize ..that they really have had enough..may be it ll ignite them to show an intense protest….eventually for lot more worthy causes (than- I don’t like this new look of facebook!)

Come on people…u heard the threat…go to reliance fresh or whatever and be prepared…kill the poet…but for gods sake don’t wait for someone else to do it…don’t wait for another kasab to do it…do it yourself…don’t be a spectator for once… I would be more than happy to take away this passivity to hell with me…
…And my role in this cosmos ll perhaps be over…
still JJ crows ll continue imitating barking dogs at 12.30 night ( death is futile too :)…)

The real challenge is to write this ultimo poem though.. creating boredom is an art…n I ve a feeling that I m getting better at it (how many times did you yawn so faar?)

Sometimes I feel my writing tastes like rotten eggs(no idea abt that either)…
But then you can scare away lizards with that….Lot more useful than our democracy...and its spirit…i mean the solid one…liquid is fine…then..
Cheers to the largest democracy ….actually…yawn!!!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Loner..

I was once part of the WOW-WOW circles...know what i mean? you pamper somebody's creativity ego and vice versa...i did recite my poems in such circles....loved the appreciation..was floating in the mist..that i am the next great marathi poetic sensation..I AM ! but thats not the point...
the moment of truth did come ultra soon though..one my fella poets read out a dabba one..and when i confronted him...i grinned and i said "wow"....
Next moment on..i decided to be a loner..and its difficult !
i write for myself..people love it..i love that they do..i love reciting and singing for them..
though i am a full timer in Medicine..poetry n writing is my passion too...
To be honest guys, i dont know how i am gonna release my poetry and songs...coz these days its about constant hammering, marketing...and you need to do it consistently...
So every year, as exams approach, december is worrysome..always..My PR, social networking goes hibernating...
There is no Break from life=poetry=study, but still i get apprehensive about loosing my readership...
so i was feelin a lil down these days...about not posting latest poems...but today i saw this reply.. and its not from any wow wow circle....

"take ur time...
its nice to read your latest post..though we were never busy in studies (Coz its da thing we do to kill time)you do it sincerely .we will wait for your posts.there aren't many things worth waiting for around these days "

And i am all misty again... and this time I am not alone :)
i have you..loving my poems unconditionally...its humbling :)
lets see if i can pull off some more posts nd poems...before the great xam :)

Friday, November 20, 2009

thanks

hey dear all, tumhi mazya kavitanchi chaukashi karta, kahinni profile var majhya kavita post kelyat, he sagla pahoon khup utsaah vatato..
gelya kahi divasaat pan pushkal kavita ani gani lihili, abhyasatoon sawad miltach post karen...mazya kavitanvarach tumcha prem asach abadhit rahu de..
love
anushree :)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

प्रिय सुनीताबाई


तुम्हा दोघांना खूप मिस करत्ये :(
या इन्टरनेट सारख्याच कुठल्या तरी कल्पोकल्पित अवकाशात तुम्ही दोघ आता मजेत असाल ...
शुभेच्छा :)

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I had another dream yesterday...

I had another dream yesterday...i was floating in space...amongst zillions of mcqs...it was lovely...each one sparkling like a distant star...i would go near.. touch it and discover the answer...
Knowledge is beautiful...
do we loose site of what we really love...once upon a time...i loved studying and exams....
a child fears nothing, hates nothing...these are suprimposed things...we the peers….did that to each other…and we all ended up thinking that we hate some and fear some..do we really?

was reading Wittgenstein's philosophy...
questions...
philosophical problems arise primarily out of misleading features of our language..hmm...i think all our problems arise outta our choice of words..or silence..

is existence, a property somethings have and others lack?
our understanding bewitched by language? iconography..r we misled by imagery embedded in our language? is language a limiting factor to our understanding...if it is...our thinking habits are very much spoiled by it...damage reversible?

Language contains same traps for everyone...well kept false paths...fair enough?

what is the principal of individualisation for immaterial substances?

Hume- "when i enter most intimately into what i call myself, i always stumble upon some particular perception, heat or cold, light or dark, pain or pleasure, love or hatred, i never catch myself at any time without a perception and never observe anything but the perception"

seriously..i ve tried it..meditating deeper n deeper...u fall asleep..but there never comes a moment where we get rid of our perception...except the Gap between the moment u fall asleep and start pt of dreams, if any...or when u wake up... and this gap,i am absolutely unaware of...

so existance is merely consciousness of perception? then what is subconscious, it exists too...

Consciousness has been compared to a self scanning mechanism...

funny..we are dissecting our world to the power of microns..nano...to understand structure and functioning...
i read about how amino acids got inside, assembled and got trapped...may lead us to understand how life got trapped into a physiochemical structures..hierarchy of organisation..to the highest level..humans..or so we think :)

and at the same time...funny anology...we ve given birth to...these babies... organisation from o and 1 to software and trap them in hardware..and this ultra mobility via web...and now artificial intelligence...and little monsters like trojans viruses,which replicate too...
can they and if they invade our circuits?

who created us?

i sumtimes get a feelin..my laptop and my n95 have become extensions of my grey matter..obviously my neurons are much more efficient...but one day these guys ll be too...then wont it be funny to say that they dont exist ?

i believe that if there is reincarnation..i had died last time by drowning..i m so hydrophobic...
i have this funny vision...anology...i soak my n 95..poor thing reincarnates...may be into an ipod...poor thing..will it be water fearing like me ?

why Anology?
Anology is the only thing by which we understand eachother...each others pain...but ur pain like my pain...it is not my pain...I can never truely know how the other person feels....
pain has to be owned...

"it seems absurd to us that a pain, a mood, a wish should go around world without an owner, independently..."

But i go to temples, not coz i believe in god, i have this notion..that it has faiths of millions embodied...not owned..faiths...just existing there...floating...But the beauty is i own the notion..but not the faith...
its amazing how one can have absolute faith in god..or anything for that matter...
if u ve faith in e=mc2, how can you be an atheist?
Believe me, when i visited Einstein's house in Bern, where he wrote that...i had the same feeling..faiths of millions embodied...

I love questions...a Question, that is the only thing i have absolute faith in...
so if u dont know the answer..no big deal..keep questioning...

I dont know, fellow existing beings...how existing feels to you...
for me it seems like a dream...a delusion...
I am the centre of my universe...and you are also a part of my delusion...
What is truth? truth exists?
What is beyond perception?
who am i?

Questions...questions..and questions....

there is no more stupidity than thinking that you are not stupid...

I like being stupid..at least I have a Quest...the day i ll know everything...or ll think that i do..i think i ll die...or may be i ll be born...

Come on.. review your thinking habits...are you a victim of the same language trap...are your abstract ideas, really abstract...

are we gonna traverse these rusty well kept paths.. and die the same...sorry, similar death?

Questions are humbling, intoxicating, addicting...

So is it just a dream or it is my life...
i m floating amongst these zillions of sparkling questions, mcqs, faqs,and all types of qs...
and i am loving it :)

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