दोन प्रकारची माणसं शांत झोपतात. एक ज्यांना स्वप्नच पडत नाहीत अन एक ज्यांची स्वप्नं पूर्ण होतात. माझ्यासारखे काही अर्धवट झोपेत, उठ्ल्या क्षणाला रागात जागे होत, स्वप्नांची भुतं मानगुटीवर नेतात. कधी वाटतं स्वप्नांना आयुष्य आहे. कधी वाटतं आयुष्य हेच स्वप्न आहे! जाग यावी,निसटून जावं.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Zing!

Wow.. Vishal sir got PGI, that’s amazing with a ‘zing that only Hireites will understand….yeah..ok… back to where I was…trying to have a sensational beginning …hmm…how about….”I died a day back…

How many times did you close your eyes, thinking you won’t see the light ever again?
How many times, along the river, set in crystals, vibrant, your reflection smiled at you?
How many times, you stood alone, looking at the cityscape, invincible, the dark knight?
How many times have you found yourself missing in the mirror, amongst familiar flesh?
Clinched all those razor sharp moments? Raced alone? Been on edge?

Life is futile……….
We kill time to let time kill us..

My last words were ..i wannna live..save me…no “good enough” doc around?..okay then…bye life…and puff…gosh!! it was sooo lengthy …I was almost bored to death…literally :) ..on retake (do actors ever settle for one !) ...i don’t wanna have time to think or say anyhting…wish it will be ..puff… straight away….

All along the last few moments of frantic revival attempt..i was thinking only one thing.. ”Its not gonna change the world one bit”…say ..JJ crows wont change their crow time from sharp 12.30 night…I asked a GMcite and she said hospital ke kauwwe hain ..bimaar wimar honge( kya yaar ye externs ko kuch nahi pata hota !!)…ok…but 12.30?
Anyways ( if actors could stick to original dialogues!) ..yeah…so…

“its not gonna change the world one bit” .. and even if it did…it wont matter..i wont even probably know that I died…
And I closed my eyes and waited for an eternity or so.. and woke up to the same boring life..
Death has lost its charm since then…
The night that followed..I decided to bid farewell to life and mean it really..so it might just come true this time…be ready to die and never realize that I did..but I couldn’t say it..i wished to wake up and woke up this morning…

I listen to Psaaydan, when I go to sleep..the Guy who wrote it, retired at 21…I am 22 and so reluctant to let go life…
So I have to wait…for someone else to do this mercy killing…slow n steady..
While I act and try n fool around…find a purpose in life etc etc…try to write, read, be a “good enough” doc ( I wish), before its time to board..
Manage to roam around like some one act play going on…exhibiting this game…
Its only when I see in the mirror…trouble…I see through all the layers…make up, foundation, all the decorative time killing layers…I have piled up on that I…may be that’s why I feels so strange….I….I try not to smile…coz I feel like a hebephrenic schizophrenic every time I do this mirror gazing… even for milliseconds…
I cant lie to I …

Life is futile…………
Like some kind of lucid interval..
People talk about no escape from death…Well thank god for that !
Coz after dying and from that other side of sea, right at the moment when I woke up…the only thing which seemed pretty inevitable and boring was Life…
Hmm…sometimes I feel my writing tastes like black coffee( #$%^?)…but then some weirdos love such things…don’t they..then..
Cheers to life…actually…yawwwwn…..!!!

I have this fantasy about ‘how I wanna die…I wanna read a poem…loud on CST station..amongst the Chaos..and bore people to death…to the point of desperation…that they throw aanda, bhajiya or tomato as per the availability or choice at me..life threatening excitement naa…come on…do you read headlines atleast? ..lot more bullshit nonsense is happening around...and we sit idle…do nothing..

I think its gonna take my poetry recital for ppl to realize ..that they really have had enough..may be it ll ignite them to show an intense protest….eventually for lot more worthy causes (than- I don’t like this new look of facebook!)

Come on people…u heard the threat…go to reliance fresh or whatever and be prepared…kill the poet…but for gods sake don’t wait for someone else to do it…don’t wait for another kasab to do it…do it yourself…don’t be a spectator for once… I would be more than happy to take away this passivity to hell with me…
…And my role in this cosmos ll perhaps be over…
still JJ crows ll continue imitating barking dogs at 12.30 night ( death is futile too :)…)

The real challenge is to write this ultimo poem though.. creating boredom is an art…n I ve a feeling that I m getting better at it (how many times did you yawn so faar?)

Sometimes I feel my writing tastes like rotten eggs(no idea abt that either)…
But then you can scare away lizards with that….Lot more useful than our democracy...and its spirit…i mean the solid one…liquid is fine…then..
Cheers to the largest democracy ….actually…yawn!!!

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