दोन प्रकारची माणसं शांत झोपतात. एक ज्यांना स्वप्नच पडत नाहीत अन एक ज्यांची स्वप्नं पूर्ण होतात. माझ्यासारखे काही अर्धवट झोपेत, उठ्ल्या क्षणाला रागात जागे होत, स्वप्नांची भुतं मानगुटीवर नेतात. कधी वाटतं स्वप्नांना आयुष्य आहे. कधी वाटतं आयुष्य हेच स्वप्न आहे! जाग यावी,निसटून जावं.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

A tale of two incidences and two articles..

Evening is tea and lot of words... i find this link to an article on a friend's wall.

To sum it up..i think
what Amartya sen wanted to say to Mr Blair in 2006 was...

Only christian faith schools are good, because the religious identity that they create does not interfere with national identity..

I go to ward for morning rounds and i find a package of sweets by a hindu patient. He is learning Sanskrit,
so past few days have been great, conversing with him. Inexperienced teachers, new syllabus and old grammar ! Nothing has changed since i left it in 12th std.

I start distributing sweets..sisters first..

The christian ones refuse...i m used to it..a little sad though , the amount of effort they put in every patient..they are the real miracle workers..sadly it is the same religion which makes them so altruistic, prohibits this.

u think its 2013 and people will find relevance in their religious dos and donts but they dont..

Mr Amartya sen, why do we have to grade it good, bad and ugly ?

Religion is like spleen, a filter, which also contributes to some immunity.
But when its injured and its making you vitally unstable, take out and throw it, rather than analyzing and grading ! ( sorry, surgical allegories are inevitable :)

i wake up today and see headline, Amartya sen : i dont want Modi as my Prime minister.

I m irritated, thoroughly..

so in the ward , its patients turn... i bypass Sajid and his mother..( why bother to ask her to take a sweet, especially after being turned down by a converted catholic..i mean as far as the existence of non conformist muslims (or chinese !! ) goes..what is the probabilty.. seriously..

So i bypass Sajid, a young cirrhotic lad, who has stopped drinking since 4 yrs ( drinking is not allowed too..but salman bhai does and salman bhai kills too !! Not that u can use Salman as a reference, to prove that its appropiate to ask a muslim about history of alcohol intake when relevant!
Somehow...they are very offended if u quote his doings!
Nevertheless i Quote him every now and then.. say once i asked a patient , who told me that he wanted to die that day, if u die today, how will u know ki salman bhai ki shadi kis ke sath hui ?
we agreed...die another day...he will ve a long life i guess : )

So  i bypass Ammiji and Sajid, a young cirrhotic lad, who has stopped drinking since 4 yrs.
But his liver has shut down and shrunk and he aint no Prometheus !!

Yet thanks to Mr Modi , i feel like Lucius Fox in Wayne Enterprises :)

 I can put any amount of resources to rescue a citizen !
And in Gujarat, BPL kyadd !!! (card) :) :)owning people are ultra VIP.

They think its sort of a Free Movie pass...that thinking along the..."must see if its free"...indian mentality...when we ask them why the want to get admitted , sometimes they say because they have a BPL kyadd !!!!

So thanks to Mr Modi, Sajid is getting albumin Rs 2400 per bottle and other loads of things, free..he has a kyadd :) and a chance at life..

suddenly his mother pulls me back and goes all Nirupa Roy on me
 " beti, tumhare hat ki dawa leti hoon toh dua kyun nahi ?" :) eats the sweet :)

Back to pre-electorial or otherwise elated state of our experts..

I always tell Aniket jokingly,why have elections..
when u can round them up and do medical fitness..say...

1. who can climb up two flights of stairs ( expensive artificial  knees not allowed )!!!

2. who takes less than twenty pills per day ( corruption correlates with amount
    of anti hypertensives,anti anginal and anti diabetics you take!
    i have learned this courtesy of esteemed guests of our prisoner ward !)

i would have loved to keep no 3 as-

3. who can pee without herniating or taking pills, but it sounds feminist !

so even without no 3 , we can easily and cost effectively choose our parliamentarians :)

sadly rather than being in politics and forming parties like POPWNKNP( party of people with normal knee normal pee :) we are busy fishing for self !

So politics is gonna be like our sad Hostel meetings where u are wondering...who is this idiot cooking up arguments and  putting up irrelevant demands... and u realize..OMG he is the student representative we elected in that meeting that we did not go to.. he has no idea what we want !

Mr Amartya Sen , I need a Prime Minister who will give me albumin, secularism will follow :)












Sunday, July 14, 2013

Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of forever.

It was pouring outside...my window looked beautifully greenish...hazy...i really love the sound of rain..i love sleeping to it...it has surreal appeal...apparition..

For me, it rained the most that year..my internship year. ...year i got back to mumbai.. it rained when i was reading Deathly hallows and magnificent others at night and slept my days..and danced my eves..i got to a hostel room in JJ eventually and had to work and sleep and have human contact (my bihari senior crazy room mate :)

i was so wonderfully walled off from the rest of the people and reality..like a semester abroad..except for a fortnightly visit from mum... it was like being under a invisibility clock..a spell of some kind..

so surreal..those long walks with my best friend.. midnight marine hikes with my date..night outs..dreamy love, sweet tooth and sour heart...

I was so triggered to fall in love by then..i almost did..i still dont know what it was..it surely meant something..

These days i m surrounded by these young interns..guys and gals..i see them work, study, flirt, date, love, get ranks, residency , move on....i m reminded of how it is to be 22 something..its fun..its so stupid ..its fun.

i was so angry with him, when he said..we wont always be together.. u ll meet other guys, fall in love with one of them, get married..i did..

for me, at that time, love was stationary...only when i moved on..after a long long while ..after being indifferent to a couple of other- near to love, like and whatevers...i began to see things the way he did..
that may be, i was one of his whatevers or likes perhaps..and may be i too wouldnt ve  put my heart over and above for me..if i was in his place...

But despite everything i wont trade those showery days for anything..days, when i cried randomly..for its beauty, mist, mischief, love, uncertainty, dreams, its hurt, longing, pangs, wait, palpitations...
and i cried, feeling overwhelmed, writing poetry and watching beautiful movies...




















Before sunrise, if i had to choose, is one film that means the most to me...

i was naive, when i saw it..and i still do watch it..

but its like the time... when Celine visits Friedhof Der Namenlosen, the Cemetery of the Nameless, in Vienna.

I feel what is so important to me ..is that.. i was her age...

Eventually i saw Before sunset , on my own...
and it was great..yeah yeah ..
especially songs of Celine....
and we know its true, when Jesse says in Before Midnight,

"I fucked up my whole life because of the way you sing."

And today i saw before midnight, after waiting for six months and its great too..yeah yeah..
its sad too...

i totally identified with Celine for all these years, except her motherly instincts and now that i ve them too...she says, i have never recovered from childbirth !!!

well its a little naive to think of a movie as a horoscope...but u think u are becoming this woman.. and u know u both have persistent melancholia...yet u want her to be happy and u r sad that this persistent melancholia and defensive feminism which is your core..is itself the trouble..
your greatest nightmare is being a loving devoted housewife
and when u are not dreaming ,you cant get rid of ur children,
the only time you get to think is when u shit...
u have stopped writing songs...and not that u cant..its just that u are not that cheerful...
u dont know how to be happy..
or if u want to be..

yet in the end, u take ur chances
with a loving husband who says,
you are the only woman he has ever loved,
with a chirpy teenager , who ll never grow old and goes miles beyond his ego front to make u laugh...
who ll pull u out of your abyss every now and then...
who loves u with your melancholia and craziness without slightest doubt..
and who ll adore ur old french ass even when you are 80...

I ve waited to write about these films for four years...

i started someplace else with someone..resisted to let go..carried tears in the souvenir wine glasses, flowing downstream..

and then i found a sunset one evening, walking towards juhu beach.. and i knew.. that i wanted others like this...this sunset..many many more...may be forty seven in a day..

At times i dont know how to relate to old poems, old me, love, that is gone..
before midnight has that answer ..

"Like sunlight, sunset, we appear, we disappear. We are so important to some, but we are just passing through"

yeah that 22 year old me is so important to me..

I have passed through..

I dont have to deal with the past, just wonderful memories, and all the promises before sunset, unrequited..

I have many many sunsets to look forward to..

And more than a thousand nights and a night...

And I have u,  telling me..

"Well, it must have been one hell of a night we are about to have."





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