Friday, September 27, 2013

Qayamat se hajamat tak

I love the tal-war-baji  warriors coming to Ahmedabad civil trauma centre( Aka LAAL BATTI  :) 
As it calls for loads of artistic suturing .

“Aje varsat na karane “Shonti” rahse, chalo Anu ben cha mangao badhha mate”,  
Our ever drunk trolley roller mama had predicted and I had just ordered tea.

Alas…a mass casualty rained on, unexpectedly on our otherwise light emergency night putting an end to our celebrations prematurely!

Two dozen people gushed inside,…bleeding bandits , they appeared , head and face bandages smeared in blood…and all hell broke loose in the span of 5 mins.

A dozen Rajputs decided to end the reign of a Jaat gang, breeding trouble in their neighbourhood.      
some 15-20 yr old lukkhaparty, some middle aged men, one scowling beauty , a howling mother and a mad oldie,  Mukhiya  cum leader cum grandpa  and a scarcely sensible yet resourceful and somewhat humble middleman was the composition of each lot.

Despite of the background interference we triaged them in a couple of minutes. 
Surrounded by hundreds of cuts splashed randomly on these creatures , we were happy , because nobody had any serious damage.

So we began suturing three at a time, coz we have only 3 tables for tending to injurious patients flooding in every hour from at least 3 states , Gujarat, M.P. and Rajasthan. And thanks to virtually non-existent health care systems of MP and Rajasthan, most of the times we even have to start from the first aid.  

I let the chaos go on for some time. 50 people ...patients, doctors , nurses, mamas and mausis, 108 walas , curious cmos, some spectators , everyone trying to have some say and do, and ending in screaming…all in one room.

Unlike the one happening via media, which is very fascist, 
I love this kind of non orchestrated, unsponsored, purely random chaos… 
and here such Chaos is routine !

Everyone was soon exhausted, even the howling mother, who should have prototypically fainted rather than stop howling .

But the Mukhiya dada, amidst missing teeth and bleeding skull, had not lost the vigour to constantly curse the “samnewala party i.e. Jaats” . he was squirting blood and "Gaali galoch" at equal speed :)
and coincidently “samnewala party” had the middle table and was sporting grim grins, in turns, to Mukhiya and presumably his son on the other extreme.

I could have let this go on indefinitely !
but Mukhiya did grave mistake of grabbing my hand while I was suturing the mid table dumb lad.. 

For 5 mins he cursed me for favouring the Jaats. 
For another two minutes he cursed me for letting him bleed 
and last minute was “ Narendra Modi ko bulao !!!!!”

What followed was.. my  Verbal vendetta !!!!!!
I crusaded em with my commandments

No treatment !
till police mamas kick all the lukhha spectators and howling mothers and scowling beauties out !

 (and 20 people are tossed out by Police ! now we can breathe :)

Absolute Peace !

Nobody dare speak a word till the last stitch !

Everyone will get a complete head shave  !!!!!!!!

No talwar wars in future on Thursday (my emerge day : )!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course, usually,  I demand a lot of other fancy stuff like, quit alcohol, smoking and teasing girls,
respect women, educate girl child.. use condom,  love your parents, stop social nuisance , 
get a job , get a sense of humour , get married :) 
( yess……it cures…acute appendicitis in boys…mid 30s.....clingy to mommy....
color co-ordinate clothes with her …..mummy rejecting all marriage proposals for mearge reasons …
I been observing this syndrome… occurring in a concerning and growing number…

I dare say behind every 30 yr old male inflamed appendix, there is a over caring mother !!! )

 So ……get married :) vote sensibly :) so on and so forth..
 it is so tempting to be in such a condescending position :)

Head shave  is my favourite :) because I think it discourages these lukkha parties to repeat the
Incidence, at least for a month, till the hair grows back :)

After affable silence...which i took as a waiver........a surreal surrender...
A suturing marathon followed ….

I ordered tea…again…while final bandaging was in progress …..

I congratulated Gujarat police on being more efficient than Delhi police In handling Lukkha parties… jaats, rajputs, muslims, …every caste and creed ….doctors and girls are more safe here.. everyone is doing their job….I wish this Namonia spreads to centre !

Before I came to Gujrat , I disbelieved in , Rajput violence streak,  that I had seen QSQT 

I couldn’t believe that ladies could wear ridiculous sarees in kitchen , every day and conspire and cook ! (Bang on , Ekta kapoor :)

But now I know better  !!!!!

Eventually nearly twenty bald :) :) people went home..

Momentous pace and World peace ..Momentarily :)

Only if world was a trauma centre run by a dominatrix with fancy doctrines  :) :) 

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